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All-Time Best Fictional Lawyer: Round 2 (Part 2)

It is a question that has divided law offices and torn apart friendships. Who is the best fictional lawyer of all-time?

And now we have the technology to answer the age old question in the most democratic way possible – an NCAA-BuzzFeed style tournament.

Round 2: Here is where things get serious. The round one winners in the Cartoon and Hour-Long Drama categories will do battle to move on to the sweet sixteen.

Hearts will be broken this round.

Forget who the fictional lawyer is?  Click the links for a video reminder.

Download the up-to-date PDF here.

Voting for this round closes on December 30rd at 5pm

Lionel Hutz vs. Johnnie Cochran

Lionel Hutz is a consummate professional. A master of continuing legal eductions, “Mr. Simpson, don’t you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on, but I think I got the gist of it.” and court room tactics, “Don’t worry, Homer. I have a fool proof strategy to get you out of here: surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. I tell you, the judge won’t know what hit him!” There is a reason why Hutz is the number one seed.

Cartoon Jonnie Cochran mounted one of the best defences of all time: “No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.”

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Phoenix Wight vs. Harvey Birdman

Phoenix Wright may not have the name recognition as some of the lawyers on this list but he should. The court system, burdened by the massive number of crimes being committed, introduces a new trial system: the bench trial system. Both prosecution and defense face each other in open court, and have three days to make their case before the judge renders a verdict – Anime Style.

Harvey T. Birdman of Birdman and the Galaxy Trio is an attorney working for a law firm alongside other cartoon stars from 1960s and 1970s Hanna-Barbera cartoon series. When Shaggy and Scooby-Doo need a lawyer after a big drug bust Harvey Birdmanis the go-to lawyer.

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Lawyer Morty vs. Harvey Dent

Lawyer Morty is a Morty who poses as a lawyer at the Council of Ricks. He is put on Morty and Summer’s side for their quarrel against the Council of Ricks in The Rickshank Rickdemption, where he is shown to be less of a serious lawyer and only there because “he’s fun”. He apparently has a pog collection.

Harvey Dent is a handsome young District Attorney but a mobster throws acid in his face during a trial, scarring half his face. Driven insane by his reflection, he renames himself Two-Face and goes on a crime spree, deciding with a flip of his lucky coin whether to break the law or perform acts of charity.

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Blue-Hired Lawyer vs. Matt Murdock

Blue-Haired Lawyer, is Springfield’s most prominent lawyer known for his pasty face, blue hair, New York accent, and nasal voice.

Matt Murdock blinded by a radioactive substance that falls from a truck after he pushes a man to safety from the oncoming vehicle. While he no longer can see, the radioactive exposure heightens his remaining senses beyond normal human ability and gives him a “radar sense”. After his father is killed by gangsters Matt seeks out revenge as the superhero Daredevil. But he also had time to attend Columbia Law School.

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Ben Matlock vs. Claire Kincaid

Ben Matlock is a renowned, folksy yet cantankerous defense attorney who is worth every penny of his $100,000 fee. Known for visiting the scene of the crime to discover clues otherwise overlooked and his down-home style of coming up with viable, alternative theories of the crime in question while sitting in his office playing the banjo or polishing his shoes.

Claire Kincaid is an idealistic, outspoken feminist and agnostic  who becomes increasingly disillusioned with her job. She is vocally pro-choice, opposes the death penalty, and has ambivalent feelings about drug prohibition. Sounds like a great ADA.

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Sam Seaborn vs. Ally McBeal

Sam Seaborn’s trademark — both his greatest strength and greatest flaw — is his unflinching idealism. His unwavering faith in and love for the American political process and the positive impact that government can have in its citizens’ lives define his character. Sam believes in doing the right thing simply because it is right, even when the consequences might be politically disastrous.

Ally McBeal attended Harvard Law School with Billy Thomas who she had had a relationship since they were eight years old. Billy, however, left Harvard to attend University of Michigan Law School, breaking Ally’s heart. After leaving her previous job due to sexual harassment she joins the firm Cage & Fish and is horrified to find that she will be working alongside her ex Billy.

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Alicia Florrick vs. Perry Mason

Alicia Florrick was a junior associate at the firm Crozier, Abrams & Abbott, where she had the highest number of billable hours for any associate. Sometime during her job, she met and eventually married Peter Florrick, who was at the time the Cook County State’s Attorney.  After her two children were born, she left work to be a stay-at-home mother and a good political wife. But Alicia returned to the courtroom to support her family after a sex-tape disgraced her husband.

Patty Hewes, the daughter of a judge, grew up surrounded by the legal system and a desire to become a lawyer. However, her notions of justice were warped by the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of her father, who to his peers was a fair and honest judge but in private, was a sadistic bully. As such, Patty developed a hatred for those who use their positions of power to bully and torment others.

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Jack McCoy vs. Saul Goodman

Jack McCoy quickly established himself as a more unconventional, ruthless litigator. He often bends—and sometimes breaks—trial rules to get convictions, finds tenuous rationales for charging defendants with crimes when the original charges fail to stick, and charges innocent people to frighten them into testifying against others. McCoy has been found in contempt of court 80 times for such behavior, and his tactics occasionally incur negative publicity for the DA’s office.

Saul Goodman is an Albuquerque-based lawyer who embraces his tendencies as a former scam artist and begins to represent criminals while himself becoming involved in the city’s criminal world.

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And with that round two (part 2) is done. Check back on December 30th to vote in round 3.

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